The Last Thing I Need is Fleas

Turning a corner in my occupational therapy path this month, I reflect on the many older adults I have encountered over my 2+ years at my work.  There are too many memorable situations to recount (as I've already tried), but here some highlights…

(describing a dirty toilet seat)  "There was #2 on the back and on the front.  It’s like a 10-cent store in the bad part of town."

ME  "That was nice you got Christmas cards."

SHE  "Ohhh… I mean people I thought were dead were alive."

While her roommate is washing her hands in the bathroom, she is wearing a Christmas hat and singing.  "I need to go to the bathroom.  She’s in there combing her hair and I need to go to the bathroom."

ME  "How do you do it at home (removing medicine bottle tops)?"

SHE  "I saw it off; no, literally, I do."

Speaking straightforwardly to the nurse.  "Next time I get a Miralax, I am getting it in the prune juice, that will really break it up."

(noticing me, her voice becomes very sweet)  "Hello."

Response to physical therapist asking him how he likes his roommate: "Civil War."

I am assisting patient to complete dressing, toileting, practice toilet transfer.

HE  "Did you want to see how I flush the commode?"

Doing arm stretch:  "Can I sing the itsy bitsy spider one?"

ME  "Tomorrow’s your birthday!"

SHE  "Oh, every other day’s my birthday."

ME "What do you want for your birthday?   Do you want cake?"

SHE "I just want to be comfortable."

ME "Do you feel that heat on your back?"

SHE  "I feel something.  I don’t know if it’s heat or meanness."

Rolling back to her room...roommate is in wheelchair, head forward on lap tray.

SHE  "Oh look at my roommate, she’s dead."

ME  "S, you can’t say that."

SHE  "I’m dead."

SHE  "What are we having to eat today?  Anything eatable? Or just the same old junk?"

(Arriving in rehab bathroom)  "Here we are.  We have arrived.  There is a very large potty chair."

Completing a standing balance activity to hang up clean socks on a laundry line.  After hanging up approximately the 12th pair of socks…

SHE  "Are you hanging these out here to dry?"

ME  "Yeah."

SHE  "They’re all dry!"

Handing her 4# medicine ball at Rebounder

SHE  "This is the size they give the kids at Christmastime."

(As I help her put her socks/shoes on after her nap, she notices Code Alert Alarm system around her ankle)

SHE  "I got that at a party.  Take that off."

Noticing sneakers sitting on chair.

SHE  "Whose shoes are those?"

ME  "Yours."

"Mine?  Mine?"

"Yes."

(Looking at the same shoes) "They’re mine too?"

"Yes."

"I’ll be derned."

(Looking around Rehab gym)  "I never saw so many people doing.  Where’d you get ‘em all from?  Do you always have a crowd like this here?  How do you ever get things done?"

"This morning there was a detonation of the syrup.  I’ve been up since 4, down on my hands and knees, taking the trash out."  (I believe her)

"My roommate dressed all herself, used the bathroom.  I wrote it all down for you guys."

"Some people are coming today… not the State (making her bed, she clips the call light to the comforter over the pillow).  Eh, did you like that touch?"

"I’d probably be better if I sit erect instead of flumped over like I’m ready to croak."

ME  "Wipe the corner of your mouth."

SHE  "I guess I got something left on my mouth.  I’m foaming at the mouth; I got to go bite somebody."

ME (leaving)

SHE  "I guess this is the first day we didn’t have a jolly."

"A what?"

"A jolly."

"A jolly?"

"A chuckle."

ME "You always make me laugh."

SHE "But we’re not here to laugh; we’re here to learn how to take care of our feeble bodies."

ME (laughing)

SHE  "Isn’t that right?"

SHE  "They came in here yesterday asking if anyone needed a flu shot."

ME  "A what shot?"

"A flu shot."

"Did you get one?"

"Heck no.  The last thing I need is fleas."

Aides dancing in the hallway as we roll past...

SHE  "Guys always have fun."

ME  "Those weren’t guys."

"Oh? What were they?"

"They were girls."

"Oh, I used to be able to tell the difference."

(Regarding call light)  "Just don’t move that...my only connection with heaven and earth."

ME (leaving)

SHE "Hey, ILY."

"ILY? What does that mean?"

"You know what it means."

To my coworkers and residents, 

short-timers and long-timers:

ILY.